Deep thoughts Issue 4

Deep thoughts

As usual, a collection of the really important things that we had to say.

One thing is to be obsessed; another thing is to let him know about it

            Aralis

 This came about because a friend of mine was obsessed with this guy at her job. The theory was that it was okay that she spent all her time talking about it as long as he didn't find out about it.And BTW, this really is about a friend of mine, not one of those instances where "a friend of mine" really means me. I'm not saying I've never done it, I'm just saying it never inspired a post (cuz then he would know, you know?)

If it feels weird in my mouth I won’t eat it, no matter how good it tastes.

            Aralis

Believe it or not this is about mushrooms.

The club was like a $10 hooker, it sucked!

            Monica

There is a strong posibility that Monica was not the first person to ever say this, but she was the first one I heard so she gets the credit. 

It still makes me giggle every time I read it.

You can’t summon a deep thought. They have to just come to you.

            Patty

That is true. That didn't stop me from constantly bug people to give me a deep thought. Well, I eventually stopped. Although if anybody wants to send me a new one I will go ahead an print it now.

It just hit me that these are nothing more than twitter alerts now.

 

The reason you have to put quarters in the tollbooth is to pay the salary of those people that work there.

            Aralis  

I once said this to someone for no reason whatsoever and they thought that it was the funniest thing they had ever heard.  I don't remember who it was, but I think it was a guy, if that narrows it down. Anyway, I figured if one person thought it was that funny, then it was worthy of publishing.

 

The reason why a centerfold is called a centerfold is cuz it’s in the center and it’s folded.

            Aralis

 This one's just true.

Sitting on a loud speaker will massage your legs.

            Patty

Yeah, your legs.

I was trying to sound saucy there but it doesn't quite work when ALL the letters are in italics.

 

Chives are stupid.

            Aralis

Well they are! They get in your teeth and they are not really that delicious to begin with. They really add nothing to food but a bit of color.

MTV/VH1

I don’t think VH1 is

That bad

And MTV is not

That cool

            SuperPatty

Patty's response to Nancy's previous poem. It was a very wise statement at the time but completely pointless now since both MTV and VH1 suck...or at least they did last time I checked 8 years ago.

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is going on?

By Annonymous (Nancy)

MTV is for the cool

VH1 if for those who suck

So what’s the deal with STP

Nirvana and Soundgarden?

Why do I have to tune

Into a channel

To watch my favorite bands

That if I found out

You were watching

I would beat up your ass

What I would like to know is

What the fuck is going on?

I’ve become my worst

Nightmare

A closet VH1 watcher.

So, I guess I gave away the secret, Nancy wrote this one. It's deffinitely her style so I think you guys would have guess even if I had not spoiled the anonymity. It goes to show you how long ago this was written that it mentions MTV and VH1 in relation to music. Not to mention that she lists Stone Temple Pilots and Nirvana as her favorite bands. I'm not sure why she hated VH1 so much, but I do know those of  us that were kids when MTV  came out, held a fondness for it for a long time after it stopped deserving it. The truth is it was cool in the 80's, it's not just nostalgia. But by the early 90's when this was written they had already started on the one way trip to Craptown.

 

Fate #3

Fate #3

By Nancy

Sometimes you can’t control

What happens

Fate can really fuck you

Over

If growing your hair long

And running around like a

Monkey

Makes you feel good inside

Then do it!

You never know when the

Next disgruntal postage

Employee will strike.

Nancy had a habit of calling poems "Fate" as you can see. They were always dark and rather bitter. So you could say her poems were like chocolate. It would be wrong, but you could say it. Obviously, the best part is the surreal line breaks which would create a rather disturbing rhythm if anybody would bother to read it like that.

I don't think the all caps was done on purpose, but I do feel the poem works best if it's shouted so that's how you should read it.

 

Taco Bell

Taco Bell

By Naila

Eat pussy all day

Fried, barbequed,

Or any other way

You don’t need knives

Or forks

Just a good tongue

When you’re done

You’ll say yum.

What I remember the most about Naila is that her name was pronounced with an invisible "h". This poem bothers me because I don't like the idea of a knife near a Hoo-hah. Or a fork for that matter.  I also have a problem with naming Taco Bell and then having not one mexican food reference in the whole poem. Couldn't she throw in a chimichanga reference somewhere? That's a fun word. Chimichanga.