Back in the 90's, I had a hobby of following my friends around at clubs and making them write bad poetry for me. The word poetry was used very loosely. Well, completely incorrectly would be a better term since it was also used for articles, completely fabricated self-help columns and random complete and utter nonsense.
These are the results of those (often drunken) ramblings.






Saturday, November 3, 2012

Reader of the Month Mystery Edition



Reader of the Month

Name
Someone who'd have a hissy if she saw her name here but would not regognize her answers so I'm just going to go ahead and print them anyway since I'm running out of issues to reprint.

Place of birth
Miami
That will narrow down the possible suspects.

Hair color
Red with blonde streaks
I don't remember this, but we all had many hair colors back then.

1st record bought
AC/DC

What do you spend your money on?
Food, thrifting, bills
Yeah, we were big on thrift shopping back then, before it got mainstream. Not that I give a crap about it being trendy, but now that the thrift stores know the value of retro clothes, they price accordingly. It used to be nothing was over $5 and there was even one Goodwill store where all the clothes were 60 cents ALL THE TIME! 

Most fanciable being in the universe?
Jim Morrison (if you knew me, you would know)
 we were best friend at the time and I don't remember her ever mentioning Jim Morrison ever before or after this interview.

Most disgusting thing you’ve ever had in your mouth:
1 year old tic tac
 How does that even happen?

Fave clothes:
I dunno but I’m sure it was under $3.50
See. I told you!

What are you afraid of?
Little things that crawl under your bed at night and tickle your toes
When I was little my mother would say she was going to die and pull on my toes while I was sleeping if I was bad. Apparently that's what Cuban ghosts do.
 
Fave insect
Ladybug

Fave holiday
Xmas

Do you want to get married?
Eventually
 I understand that she did. No idea if she's still married though.

Fave flower
Bright pink daisies

Describe your room
A big mess
Isn't everybody's?
 
Ideal picnic
A romantic rendezvous with the man of my dreams
Isn't everybody's?
  
What do you do when you’re depressed?
Listen to mambo and pretend I know how to

Hair care regimen
I wash it

Fave salad dressing
Caesar

Beverage order
Diet coke or almond tea

Fave TV show
My so called life
I've still never watched that show, but I've heard good things.

Best dream
The flying dream
I dunno about that. My flying dream is usually followed by my falling dream.

Fave phase
New wave

Worst TV show
Models Inc
I've still never watched that show, but I've heard bad things. 

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Shoppers at Night



Shoppers at Night

Go home already!
If you haven’t found
Anything by now
You’re just not gonna find it
GO HOME!
Stop lingering
In the fitting rooms
And messing up my racks
Don’t you have anything
better to do?
Well I do!
So go home so I can!

At the time I wrote this I was working at a Clothestime in Hialeah. It was just us an a Payless in this small shopping plaza with no security or lp or anything else but a couple of girls. If it was a weeknight it might just be just a manager and one salesgirl. In the middle of Hialeah. Did I mentioned we would get robbed on an average twice a month? So yeah, not really wanted to linger there half an hour after we were supposed to have closed just because someone was bored.



Thursday, October 18, 2012

CB and the Bear go Clubbing



Chocolate Boy and the Bear

Chocolate Boy and the Bear wanted to go to this club, but only CB was allowed in cuz the bear wasn’t over 18 so the Bear ate the bouncer and they boogied all night long.

It seems rather pointless to have an episode of Chocolate Boy and the Bear without an illustration being that it was supposed to be our comic. Or rather, it seemed. It turns out I had just misplaced the file with the scan and there is an illustration after all. 
It would have been best if it had remained lost. At least we could have fantasized that it was better.


Also of note:
Apparently Mario's band played and someone bought some film. No idea what that antic thing was or if it was just a misspelled antique. 


Friday, October 12, 2012

We're baaack!
Yes, after god know how many months of neglect, we will return with more inane content in the next few days. I know my imaginary audience can hardly wait!


Monday, June 13, 2011

And now for something completely different....



We are going to deviate from our regularly scheduled crapitude to talk about something completely unexpected, some actual good writing!

Local Author Louis K. Lowy is having his first novel Die Laughing, published next month and I wanted to tell you guys about it. I know what you are thinking, Louis K. Lowy doesn't belong here, he's never written anything bad! Don't worry, we still have plenty of bad poetry to go around, but I thought it would be a nice change of pace to tell you about something that you'll actually enjoy reading. A palate cleanser if you will.

Die Laughing is the story of stand-up comedian Sam E Lakeside. On the verge of his big break he is forced into a scheme by a homicidal mobster and shape-shifting aliens to rob the earth of its oil.

I'll let Louis tell you a bit more about the book in his own words:



Can you talk about how much research went into Die Laughing? How did you go about it?

A lot. The story takes place in 1956 and I wanted to be as accurate to the period as possible. It was tough because every time one of my characters took a step or picked up something I had to make sure it not only existed at that time but was something that would have been used. For instance, there’s a scene when Cricket brings Sam E. a can of shaving cream. I researched to make sure that what she gave him, Rapid Shave, would have been commonly used.

I did a lot of research on clothes.

Also, I reference a lot of sci-fi flicks from that era. Before I could do that I had to make sure they were released before or at the time the story takes place. Depending on what movie I could use, that would sometimes shape the conversation.

There’s a lot of physical traveling in this story – Sam E. has to get from Las Vegas to New York City – so I had to make sure the roads they traveled existed in 1956. I found a 1954 Road Atlas on eBay. It was a huge help. They also take a Super Constellation airplane, which required tons of research. The list goes on and on, but truthfully in the long run it was a lot of fun.

How about quick history lessons for some of the younger readers that may not realize a lot of the characters in the book were real people. For example, The Steve Allen Show is a mayor plot point, but kids these days don't even know who Johnny Carson was.

My aliens can only copy people who have been broadcast over television airwaves, which was a lot of fun for me. I used icons like Lucille Ball, Alice Kramden, and Marilyn Monroe. One of the considerations when choosing who was going to be cloned was for just that reason, that the reader would recognize them. But I also felt it was important to add not-so-well known (in our era) characters who were prominent at the time. It added to the authenticity. Whenever I didn’t use characters as well known I would preface it with a brief explanation, for instance, TV evangelist Archbishop Fulton Sheen.

As for Steve Allen and The Steve Allen Show, I would compare them to a combination of David Letterman, Stephen Colbert, and American Idol. At the time there were only three major television networks, and there was no internet. This was the first time that electronic images were available in the home. People were glued to the TV. Television personalities like Steve Allen were the rock stars of their era.

3) Who are your writing influences?

I have a wide range. Some of the major ones are James Joyce – Dubliners, Frederick Brown – Martian Go Home, Kurt Vonnegut – Slaughterhouse Five, the early Stephen King works, Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, tons of Stan Lee & Jack Kirby comic books, Frank Herbert – Dune, Flannery O’Connor’s A Good Man is Hard To Find short story collection, and the list goes on.

For Die Laughing I think I honed a little from each of those sources. The concept of an epiphany from Joyce, the confluence of time from Vonnegut, the idea of plain and simple evil from O’Connor, strange creatures from the Lee & Kirby comics, humor in the creatures from Brown’s Martian Go Home, and plot twists and turns from Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.

You mentioned movie references. Which ones inspired Die Laughing?

Both the cheesy and the classic 1950’s sci-fi flicks. The Blob, I Married a Monster From Outer Space, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Plan Nine From Outer Space, Killers From Space, Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, It! The Terror From Beyond Space, and of course Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Anything that evoked the period.

When you started the novel, were you going for a lighthearted sci-fi comedy that became serious as you developed your main character or was it always meant as a dark comedy?

It was actually neither one. I never saw this as a sci-fi novel per se. I saw it as an individual’s struggle to find his sense of self worth. It was a dark story that got more humorous as I developed the main character. And thank goodness that it did. It makes for a much more compelling read. I wish I could take credit for that decision, but really, it was an unconscious move.

So, What's next?

Well, I’ve been very lucky. Of the ten pieces in my short story anthology, eight have been – or are about to be – published. I’m trying to get the collection released as a book.

I’m touching up my second novel, Pedal. It’s a complete change from Die Laughing. Pedal is the story of a forty-nine-year-old fired music teacher who’s struggling to get her life back through bike racing.

I just started a third book, a sci-fi story that flips between planets and time. The working title is J-5.


You can check out Louis' website here or if you prefer Facebook, you can like Die Laughing here.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Club



By Aralis and Patty


So this was supposed to be

This hip and happening place

Well I guess it’s more fun

Than being shot in the face

With mace

But not much more

As a matter of fact

It’s quite boring

Well worth ignoring

I’d rather be home sleeping.

This seems to be the case with a lot of outings: the planning and looking forward and getting dressed up are actually a lot more fun than the actual act of being there.

Did Someone Actually Read This?

6775! I just looked at the counter and it says we've had 6775 hits. When the hell did that happen? The last time I looked it was around 500 or so and it wasn't that long ago. So far I have been operation on the assumption that the only people who ever come to the site are the ones that do it just to shut me up...cuz I'm right in front of them...demanding that they go look at it.

So where did these extra 6275 hits come from? Have people been stumbling into this blog without my prompting? Did they read it? And not one of them liked it enough to bookmark it that I still have only 8 followers? You people should at least write a comment every once in awhile or something! Would it kill you to acknowledge your presence? That is if you really do exist. Maybe it's just one really confused person hitting refresh a couple thousand times.