Back in the 90's, I had a hobby of following my friends around at clubs and making them write bad poetry for me. The word poetry was used very loosely. Well, completely incorrectly would be a better term since it was also used for articles, completely fabricated self-help columns and random complete and utter nonsense.
These are the results of those (often drunken) ramblings.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Issue #3 The Hoiday Issue

I was debating whether to wait on this one since it's the holiday issue and save it for December. But then I thought, if Walmart can have xmas decorations since late September we can start out xmas now. Actually, by American standards, we are running behind.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Random ad

This was an ad someone sent me to post. It was too big for the classifieds, and it I shrank it down you couldn't see all the detail in the "artwork" so I just put it on a page somewhere in the middle of the magazine.
It was very optimistic of this person to think someone might pay $5 for one of those atrocities. I wonder if they ended up on Etsy?

Back issues

Back issues

I considered including this with the classifieds post yesterday, but then I thought it deserved it's own space, since it was a new feature. Since we technically only had one back issue at this point, we decided to add some fake publications to occupy more space.

Issue #1

Includes Ode to my Fish, Come to Begly, Monsters, Happy Birthday, etc… $1

The only legitimate back issue. Still available, order now!

All About Begly

Can’t get enough of Begly? Well, here’s your chance. Everything you ever wanted to know about Begly but were afraid to ask in this special Begly issue. Where was she born? What’s her favorite color? Toothpaste? Side of the bed? These and other exiting Begly facts for only $1

I had a lot of Begly facts, that I was constantly trying to make something out of. I don't remember which came first, the book or the game. Oh wait, I don't see the game ad so I guess that's next issue. I guess the book came first then.

It’s a Lesbian Thang

Monica’s collection of the best of the worst lesbian poetry. $1

We did have a lot of lesbian contributors. And they did have really bad poetry.


Why is the H invisible? You will never know unless you order this special issue chuck full of Naila information and fun facts.

I don't remember anything about Nahila exept that she existed and that she pronounced her name Nahila. Oh, and that it annoyed Monica.

SPECIAL get two issues at the special low price of $1.75

You save .25 cents!!!!!!!

Issue #2 Classifieds

We couldn't give our classifieds away, so I would sometimes fill up space by putting random business cards I found, I don't even know who those people were. Back then if you handed anything to me, I considered it a submission. I won't bore you with repeats from the first issue. Needless to say, we recycled our fake classified ads a lot. I'll just post the new additions.

SuperPatty Information Hotline

What’s SuperPatty up to?

Future appearances…her latest rendezvous…get the latest information.

Write to:

Superpatty Info hotline

This goes with my theory that if you don't have hype, you just need to create it. So what if SuperPatty's next appearance was at the record store (that she worked at), so what if she really wasn't up to anything in particular? It was exclusive information and that's why you had to have it. (Not that anybody ever did).

The sexy Dave Greeting Card Company

For free catalogue send SASE to sexydave c/o Begly

This is confusing to me. I had a couple of Daves at the time, and this could have come from either one of them, but then it says c/o Begly at the end which makes me suspect it might have just been Begly writing sexy stories about Dave. Only problem is, I don't think Begly knew either of them. Who was this extra Dave, and just how sexy was he?

Patty’s pet peeve:

Breathing thu only one nostril

Still true to this day.