Back in the 90's, I had a hobby of following my friends around at clubs and making them write bad poetry for me. The word poetry was used very loosely. Well, completely incorrectly would be a better term since it was also used for articles, completely fabricated self-help columns and random complete and utter nonsense.
These are the results of those (often drunken) ramblings.

Monday, June 13, 2011

And now for something completely different....

We are going to deviate from our regularly scheduled crapitude to talk about something completely unexpected, some actual good writing!

Local Author Louis K. Lowy is having his first novel Die Laughing, published next month and I wanted to tell you guys about it. I know what you are thinking, Louis K. Lowy doesn't belong here, he's never written anything bad! Don't worry, we still have plenty of bad poetry to go around, but I thought it would be a nice change of pace to tell you about something that you'll actually enjoy reading. A palate cleanser if you will.

Die Laughing is the story of stand-up comedian Sam E Lakeside. On the verge of his big break he is forced into a scheme by a homicidal mobster and shape-shifting aliens to rob the earth of its oil.

I'll let Louis tell you a bit more about the book in his own words:

Can you talk about how much research went into Die Laughing? How did you go about it?

A lot. The story takes place in 1956 and I wanted to be as accurate to the period as possible. It was tough because every time one of my characters took a step or picked up something I had to make sure it not only existed at that time but was something that would have been used. For instance, there’s a scene when Cricket brings Sam E. a can of shaving cream. I researched to make sure that what she gave him, Rapid Shave, would have been commonly used.

I did a lot of research on clothes.

Also, I reference a lot of sci-fi flicks from that era. Before I could do that I had to make sure they were released before or at the time the story takes place. Depending on what movie I could use, that would sometimes shape the conversation.

There’s a lot of physical traveling in this story – Sam E. has to get from Las Vegas to New York City – so I had to make sure the roads they traveled existed in 1956. I found a 1954 Road Atlas on eBay. It was a huge help. They also take a Super Constellation airplane, which required tons of research. The list goes on and on, but truthfully in the long run it was a lot of fun.

How about quick history lessons for some of the younger readers that may not realize a lot of the characters in the book were real people. For example, The Steve Allen Show is a mayor plot point, but kids these days don't even know who Johnny Carson was.

My aliens can only copy people who have been broadcast over television airwaves, which was a lot of fun for me. I used icons like Lucille Ball, Alice Kramden, and Marilyn Monroe. One of the considerations when choosing who was going to be cloned was for just that reason, that the reader would recognize them. But I also felt it was important to add not-so-well known (in our era) characters who were prominent at the time. It added to the authenticity. Whenever I didn’t use characters as well known I would preface it with a brief explanation, for instance, TV evangelist Archbishop Fulton Sheen.

As for Steve Allen and The Steve Allen Show, I would compare them to a combination of David Letterman, Stephen Colbert, and American Idol. At the time there were only three major television networks, and there was no internet. This was the first time that electronic images were available in the home. People were glued to the TV. Television personalities like Steve Allen were the rock stars of their era.

3) Who are your writing influences?

I have a wide range. Some of the major ones are James Joyce – Dubliners, Frederick Brown – Martian Go Home, Kurt Vonnegut – Slaughterhouse Five, the early Stephen King works, Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, tons of Stan Lee & Jack Kirby comic books, Frank Herbert – Dune, Flannery O’Connor’s A Good Man is Hard To Find short story collection, and the list goes on.

For Die Laughing I think I honed a little from each of those sources. The concept of an epiphany from Joyce, the confluence of time from Vonnegut, the idea of plain and simple evil from O’Connor, strange creatures from the Lee & Kirby comics, humor in the creatures from Brown’s Martian Go Home, and plot twists and turns from Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.

You mentioned movie references. Which ones inspired Die Laughing?

Both the cheesy and the classic 1950’s sci-fi flicks. The Blob, I Married a Monster From Outer Space, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Plan Nine From Outer Space, Killers From Space, Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, It! The Terror From Beyond Space, and of course Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Anything that evoked the period.

When you started the novel, were you going for a lighthearted sci-fi comedy that became serious as you developed your main character or was it always meant as a dark comedy?

It was actually neither one. I never saw this as a sci-fi novel per se. I saw it as an individual’s struggle to find his sense of self worth. It was a dark story that got more humorous as I developed the main character. And thank goodness that it did. It makes for a much more compelling read. I wish I could take credit for that decision, but really, it was an unconscious move.

So, What's next?

Well, I’ve been very lucky. Of the ten pieces in my short story anthology, eight have been – or are about to be – published. I’m trying to get the collection released as a book.

I’m touching up my second novel, Pedal. It’s a complete change from Die Laughing. Pedal is the story of a forty-nine-year-old fired music teacher who’s struggling to get her life back through bike racing.

I just started a third book, a sci-fi story that flips between planets and time. The working title is J-5.

You can check out Louis' website here or if you prefer Facebook, you can like Die Laughing here.

Monday, April 18, 2011


By Aralis and Patty

So this was supposed to be

This hip and happening place

Well I guess it’s more fun

Than being shot in the face

With mace

But not much more

As a matter of fact

It’s quite boring

Well worth ignoring

I’d rather be home sleeping.

This seems to be the case with a lot of outings: the planning and looking forward and getting dressed up are actually a lot more fun than the actual act of being there.

Did Someone Actually Read This?

6775! I just looked at the counter and it says we've had 6775 hits. When the hell did that happen? The last time I looked it was around 500 or so and it wasn't that long ago. So far I have been operation on the assumption that the only people who ever come to the site are the ones that do it just to shut me up...cuz I'm right in front of them...demanding that they go look at it.

So where did these extra 6275 hits come from? Have people been stumbling into this blog without my prompting? Did they read it? And not one of them liked it enough to bookmark it that I still have only 8 followers? You people should at least write a comment every once in awhile or something! Would it kill you to acknowledge your presence? That is if you really do exist. Maybe it's just one really confused person hitting refresh a couple thousand times.

Sunday, April 17, 2011


I have no idea what the girl's name was. I guess she just looked like a Lizette.

By Aralis

Stupid drunk girl

Dancing in front of me

Doing stupid hair flips

You’re making me sick

You’re so tacky

You’re pissing me off

And you smell bad too

With your cheesy perfume

Winn Dixie brand

$2.99 a gallon.

I have no idea why I was so mad at this chick. From what I remember, my friend Sue was also throwing a lot of hate at her, but I don't remember if it was because she knew her or we were just being catty. Beer might have been involved. I do hate when the dancefloor is really crowded and people hit me with their nasty sweaty hair. That's disgusting. I'd rather strangers not touch me at all, but sweaty strangers are the worse. and I need space to dance. Get out of my way!'s starting to make sense now. And if she really smelled like Supermarket perfume, probably enhanced by the heat in the club, throwing that Winn Dixie smell around...well I can see now why we were peeved.

The Teacher

By Trillian


Why can’t you get to the point?

I want to have a joint.

No she didn't. .. but it rhymed.

There must be a better way.

To say what you have to say.

Such a monotonous tone

You must be overthrown

By Anthony Keidis perhaps

He was rather pretty...This was written about the time The red Hot Chilli Peppers played Lollapaloosa so Anthony Keidis was fresh in everyone's fantasies.

If not, I’ll take a nap

I don’t know, I don’t care

Just as long as you’re not there.

Apparently Patty had a really boring class...I don't really remember the details. Maybe someday she'll finally pop over here and tell us in the comments.

Friday, March 4, 2011

The Gothic Boogie

By Aralis and Patty

I’m so sad and miserable

Nobody understands me

And even less people like me

So I’m gonna dress up

All in black

And sit hunched over

In the middle

Of the dance floor

Like a little cocoon

Wrapped up in my sorrows.

I can't be 100% sure, but I think the guy who inspired this poem ended up dating another one of my friends years later. He would also sit up in the cage dancer's cage looking all despondent and tragic. Like, do not look at me, I'm sad...but seriously, look at me! Pleeesee!

Thursday, March 3, 2011


By Aralis

I am darkness

I belong to the night

And the night is me

When the sun goes down

I emerge from my lair

Dressed in black

Like the shadows of which

I am a part of

I sit in darkened rooms

Contemplating the horror

Which I have become

Seeking more of my kind

So we can bond in

Our common nightmare

But alas!

The sun is on its way

And I must hurry home

To get ready

For my job at the mall

I'm not sure what's worst, the poem or the illustration.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Dear Patty

Dear Patty

Dear Patty:

This club bites!!!

Bored in Bulgaria

Well Bored,

Bite it right back!!

Always good advice.

Dear Patty:

I’m an insomniac.

Sleepless in Seattle


To relieve you of your indisposition, you should watch old reruns of What’s Happening? That should do the trick.

Aww... What's Happening not getting any love! Then again, there must be a reason why it plays at 4am on Nick at Night ( note I have no idea if either What's Happening or Nick at Night are still on the air).

Dear Patty:

I need to get laid still.

Then you need to stop moving.

Muncher in Miami

Well, Muncher

The answer to this question lies in how desperate you are. Here are a few suggestions from Avery, my apprentice:

1- Go to a rave. There are plenty of people who are willing to take you op on your offer.

2- If not a rave, then go to Warsaw. (Warsaw was a gay club on south beach, not really a good place to go look for a woman but at least you got out of the house for a bit.)

Dear Patty:

I’m hungry, what should I eat?

Starving in Cincinnati

Dear Starving:

I suggest you go to Fuddruckers and get yourself a large basket of fries. Yumm!!

We used to go there almost every week before going to the Kitchen Club. The boys never had any money so they would just eat the free stuff from the condiments bar. One time I saw JC eat a full plate of tomatos and nacho cheese. ugh. I think there might have been some onions involved too.

Dear Patty:

What are crabs?

Confused in Colorado

Well, Confused:

According to Webster’s dictionary, they are numerous marine broadly decapod crustaceans.

They are.

Dear Patty:

I don’t really like this boy and he’s already confessed his love for me. What should I do?

Nutjob in G


I know it sucks when that happens but the best thing for you to do is to tell the poor boy your true feelings. If he’s cool, he’ll understand. And may the force be with you.

Sunday, February 27, 2011


By Nancy

From a crazy person, we now fall on the safety of our good ol' standard, Nancy. Never one to disappoint, here's another bitter rant.

Do not set limitations on me

Do not set unrealistically

High goals on me

Both extremes I can exceed or

Never establish

We are told that life is what we

Make of it

But no one tells us about

The car accident

That could amputate our


That could really suck if

You’re a dancer

So much for limitations and

High goals

No one informs us of the


We could loose our lives or

A loved one

In a plane crash

Look, the next time someone

Incredibly talented with a

Good job dies suddenly

Don’t mourn them

Go apply for their job

And go on with your life.

Such empathy!

censored for my safety

I'll be skipping over the next 3 poems because they were written by a nutjob who would probably want to get paid if they saw their stuff online even tho I'm not making any money out of this and you gave me the damn poems for my zine and they were not even that good/bad to begin with!


I wish I was kidding about this.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


By Nancy

Nancy wrote this poem about the lead singer of the Stone Temple Pilots.

You sing a song about

Leaving a bitch that really

Hurt you but I love you more

You continually have

Physical contact with men to

Confuse me, yet you marry a


You are my age, you just

Started your career and

Marriage. You are probably

Happy, yet I already feel

Burnt out.

"You continually have physical contact with men to confuse me, yet you marry a woman." has to be one of my favorite lines ever.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The Teepee Western Wear

By Monica

I have no idea why Monica was so angry about those boots.

Aqua boots, sitting on the shelf

Hoping someone will buy you

And take you around town.

Oh, but aqua boots

You’re just too blind to see

How ugly you are

No one will ever buy you

Aqua boots

You should just die

Just like that alligator that suffered

Just so you could be made

And never bought

You fucking ugly aqua boots.

the best part is Monica's drawing of the boots.

Friday, February 11, 2011

technical dificulties

okay, this is giving me a hard time. Lemme try again

Letters to the editor/ voicemail to the editor

Letters to the Editor

What the hell is this Chocolate Boy and the Bear crap?

Gottess, Atlanta, Ga.

It is only the best graphic novel ever written.

That was a very insightful and thought provoking interview with the reader of the month in last month’s issue (Dec.) Keep up the good work!!!

Nancy, Miami, Fl.

Yes, yes it was.

I don’t think anything about it.

Nikki, Miami, Fl.

I'm not sure, but this might have been Nicole who was 5 at the time.

You may already be a winner.

Ed, Burbank, Ca.

I wasn't.

So…you guys put this thing together, huh?

Dave, Miami, Fl.

Yes, yes we did.

Letter from the editor

So I took longer than expected with this next post. I don't hear anyone complaining. Why isn't anyone complaining? Is anyone even there?

Letter from the editor

Welcome to the Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine’s first issue of 1995. I would like to take this opportunity to urge you to send more of your poetry, no matter how terrible. I strongly believe that untalented people need an outlet to vent their frustrations too and I’m here to print it. So don’t be embarrassed, no matter how bad your stuff is, it will never be as bad as Chocolate Boy and the Bear.

I still stand by it. I will print (post) anything anyone sends now. Even if it is worse than Chocolate Boy and the Bear.

Remember! We have voice mail so if you are too damn lazy to pick up a pen, just call.

Free classifieds! Just send us any flyer, note, etc…we will circulate it absolutely free of charge!!!!!!

Consumed by agony over personal problems? No problem! Just write to Dear Patty!

Yeh... so apparently this page didn't quite come out when I scanned it. Sorry about that. Well not really, it wasn't that interesting. This is actually an improvement.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine issue #4

Let's start from the beginning, here's the front and back covers. As usual, boring, unimaginative and torn from a dollar store coloring book.

and here's how it looked on the actual issue:

Happy New Year...and we're back!!!!

Yes, I know, it's been awhile...but we are back and we have a brand new issue newly transcribed and we start...NOW!

I really have no excuse for the delay other that I get lazy. I could argue that there are only so many issues left and that I have to make them last.
Or that I was so super busy with the holidays.
Or that finishing my fabulous screenplay has been taking all my time.
But the truth is simple plain 'ol lazyness.

Here's to hoping I'm more constant in the new year.

One thing I have not been bogged down with is reader submissions, so how about it?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

One Lonely Knight

by Monica

Okay, so I lied. I have more more thing left from issue 3 to show you guys.

Apparently I taught her how to draw these when we were little.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Classifieds 3

Here it is! Our third instalment of the classifieds and our last post from issue #3. How time flies. Once again I am reminded of my promise that I will start posting these on Craiglist for our amusement and I will...eventually.

Send me your smut! I need more porno! Good porno, none of that tacky crap in the back of Playboy. Erotic fantasies about Q-tips preferred.

Send to Nancy

I bet you this one gets a lot of responses. I thought about googling the phrase "erotic fantasies about q-tips" but I was afraid of the amount of pop up porn I would encounter.

Artistic Designer

Fantasy art, portrait, rock and movie stars, logos, cassette tape covers, gothic goddesses.

Commissions from L5/$5 including postage

Write to Katia

All mail will be answered

This one was one of those people that actually took their ad seriously. I bet she ended up on etsy. People in Europe get kinda screwed with her pricing. I have a feeling ones on the US got screwed too anyway.

Hiroshima Club Zine

Send us your bad poetry

We’ll print anything

I still will. Go ahead and send it.

Personalized games!

Be the center of attention! Send away for our questionnaire, send it back to us and in 2 to 4 weeks you will receive a fun filled game all about yourself!!!! We guarantee that you will win every time!

Send $19.99 to Personalized Games

I think it's a great idea. Why doesn't anyone else?

Back issues 2

Even more Back Issues

Don’t miss out. Back issues available for a limited time only. Hurry while supplies last.

Actually, 15 years later and we still have some.

Issue #1 includes: Ode to my Fish, Come to Begly, Monsters, Happy Birthday, etc… $1

Issue #2 includes: Stems of Love, Itsy Bitsy Spider Fucked Up, The Rave and many more!!! $1

This is the only thing that was new. I'm very disappointed in myself. I usually make up all sorts of fake back issues. Hopefully next time I will.

All About Begly Can’t get enough of Begly? Well, here’s your chance. Everything you ever wanted to know about Begly but were afraid to ask in this special Begly issue. Where was she born? What’s her favorite color? Toothpaste? Side of the bed? These and other exiting Begly facts for only $1

It’s a Lesbian Thang Monica’s collection of the best of the worst lesbian poetry. $1

Nailarama Out of Print

If by our of print, you mean never even got to the planning stages, then yes, we are out of print on this one.