Back in the 90's, I had a hobby of following my friends around at clubs and making them write bad poetry for me. The word poetry was used very loosely. Well, completely incorrectly would be a better term since it was also used for articles, completely fabricated self-help columns and random complete and utter nonsense.
These are the results of those (often drunken) ramblings.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Issue #4 Back Issues/ Classifieds

Back Issues

Don’t miss out. Back issues available for a limited time only.
That's a like, they're still available and it's been almost 20 years.

Issue #1           includes: Ode to my Fish, Come to Begly, Monsters, Happy Birthday,                                etc… $1

Issue #2           includes: Stems of Love, Itsy Bitsy Spider Fucked Up, The Rave and                                 many more!!! $1

Issue #3           the xmas issue $1

All About Begly   Can’t get enough of Begly? Well, here’s your chance. Everything you                           ever wanted to know about Begly but were afraid to ask in this special                           Begly issue. Where was she born? What’s her favorite color? Toothpaste?                                  Side of the bed? These and other exiting Begly facts for only $1

It’s a Lesbian Thang   Monica’s collection of the best of the worst lesbian poetry. $1

It’s a Tofu Thang        Lesbian’s talk about tofu. Riveting! $1
She never did get around to writing this, so it's a good thing nobody ever got around to ordering it.


Gottess greatest hits
Not available in any stores – yet! Be among the first to delight in the gottesses’ divine melodious rythims. Includes her all time hits, as well as her new ventures into Spanish song.
Her singing was so horrible that it was hilarious. The funniest part is she actually had an album or two that did ok. It was Germany tho, and we all know how they feel about David Hasselhoff so  that's how much we can take their opinion on singing Americans.

Auditions: actors, musicians, cinematographers, etc… needed for upcoming foreign film. Stay tuned…
I have no idea what this was for.

Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine
We bring bad things to life.

Order yours today!

We want to get to know you better!
The better we know you, the better we will be able to serve you. Please list the names and birth dates of all the 12 and under children you will buy for in the space below. Thanks!
This was more a matter of having cut this question out of the newspaper magazine than of actually caring in anyone answered it.

This space available

 There was also a few ads for other zines that were actually serious about what they were doing. I think they were all from this one guy Stephen who had like 15 different zines. That's not an exaggeration. I wonder how many blogs he's running by now?


Thursday, February 14, 2013

Questionnaire #2


Yes, another questionnaire, and this one even sexier than the last one.

What do you like about the Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine?
Feel free to answer it now in the comments if you like.

What would you like to see in upcoming issues?

Letters from the editor ____
Letters to the editor ____
Wansetta’s party tips ____
Boo’s gossip column ____
I have no idea whatever happened to Boo.
Dear Patty ____
Chocolate Boy and the Bear ____
Poems ____
Reader of the month ____
Deep thoughts ____
these were the most fun and the easiest to get from people who didn't want to commit to too many words.
Pick up lines ____
Artwork ____

This was stuff that we never had but felt would have been a good inclusion. Of course it would have to be some godawful version of the stuff. I think it would have been fun to see what we would have come up with.
Centerfold ____
I bet it would have been that dog at some point.
Contests ____
with no prices or dubious ones like "you get to be reader of the month"
Recipes ____
Doritos and Corn Flakes salad anyone? Monica and I actually ate this when we were little. It was her creation. Have I ever told you guys she is a chef now? It's not bad...sweet and salty.
Beauty Tips ____
Travel column ____
More artwork ____
More poems ____
Comic strip ____
Other _____________________________________

Put the appropriate number next to each section
I enjoy thhe arbitrary meaning of the numbers. There isn't even any kind or order.
1-      love it, can’t live without it
2-      its ok
this would probably be the most honest response
3-      don’t care
I lied, it's this one
4-      hate it! Makes me want to puke.
5-      A sure hit!
6-      Whatever
7-      Don’t even think about it!

I don't remember anybody ever answering this, BTW.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Deep thoughts Issue 4

Deep thoughts
As usual, a collection of the really important things that we had to say.

One thing is to be obsessed; another thing is to let him know about it
 This came about because a friend of mine was obsessed with this guy at her job. The theory was that it was okay that she spent all her time talking about it as long as he didn't find out about it.And BTW, this really is about a friend of mine, not one of those instances where "a friend of mine" really means me. I'm not saying I've never done it, I'm just saying it never inspired a post (cuz then he would know, you know?)

If it feels weird in my mouth I won’t eat it, no matter how good it tastes.
Believe it or not this is about mushrooms.

The club was like a $10 hooker, it sucked!
There is a strong posibility that Monica was not the first person to ever say this, but she was the first one I heard so she gets the credit. 
It still makes me giggle every time I read it.

You can’t summon a deep thought. They have to just come to you.
That is true. That didn't stop me from constantly bug people to give me a deep thought. Well, I eventually stopped. Although if anybody wants to send me a new one I will go ahead an print it now.
It just hit me that these are nothing more than twitter alerts now.
The reason you have to put quarters in the tollbooth is to pay the salary of those people that work there.
I once said this to someone for no reason whatsoever and they thought that it was the funniest thing they had ever heard.  I don't remember who it was, but I think it was a guy, if that narrows it down. Anyway, I figured if one person thought it was that funny, then it was worthy of publishing.
The reason why a centerfold is called a centerfold is cuz it’s in the center and it’s folded.
 This one's just true.

Sitting on a loud speaker will massage your legs.
Yeah, your legs.
I was trying to sound saucy there but it doesn't quite work when ALL the letters are in italics.
Chives are stupid.
Well they are! They get in your teeth and they are not really that delicious to begin with. They really add nothing to food but a bit of color.