Back in the 90's, I had a hobby of following my friends around at clubs and making them write bad poetry for me. The word poetry was used very loosely. Well, completely incorrectly would be a better term since it was also used for articles, completely fabricated self-help columns and random complete and utter nonsense.
These are the results of those (often drunken) ramblings.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Letters TO the Editor

Only our second issue and we were already inundated with letters singing our praises. Of course, these were letters I forced my friends into writing, but let's not dwell on that, shall we?

Letters to the Editor

“It’s funny, scary, sad –it’s got everything. Two thumbs up from the Fruitman”
Frutman, Miami, Fl

“I loved it, it was much better than Cats. I’m going to see it again and again.”
Unsigned, NY, NY
This is a reference to an SNL skit which I have always found hilarious and use constantly even though I strongly suspect nobody ever gets it. Jon Lovitz was a hypnotist with a show on Broadway and he would hypnotize his audience so all the review would say the same thing (I loved it, it was better...etc)
I suspected there was a reference to it in The Sixth Sense when Cole asks Bruce Willis what he thought of his school play and he says it was better than Cats, but I now feel Shaymalan doesn't deserve any credit for anything.

“It’s disgusting and perverted”
Carmen, Miami, Fl
My mother was not amused.

“It’s funky!”
Monica, Miami, Fl

“It’s cheesy and corny”
Naila, Miami, Fl

If unable to keep appointment, kindly give 24 hrs. notice.

I'm not even sure what anybody could have made an appointment for.

Yes we did have voice mail. Or rather I had voice mail in those long ago days before cell phones and email and I printed it out and passed it around for all the world to see. As you can tell, I know better know and go to the trouble of blocking out my personal info even thought it has not been valid in almost 15 years.
In case you can't read what it says.

Guess what?

We got voice mail!

So now when you get that creative urge and can’t find a pen – just pick up the phone and read us your bad poetry! It doesn’t get any easier than this!


Under 18 must get parental permission before calling

We liked throwing random disclaimers to make things look legit.

No comments:

Post a Comment