Issue 5 Letter from the editor and poll results

Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine issue #5
Finally, after all these years, a new installment! This might be the last issue too....unless somebody starts sending me some content. Or I find some long lost pages. No matter, at the rate I post these I can drag this issue for years.

Letter from the editor

Hey! I had written this really good letter from the editor but I lost it so here are the results of last month’s questionnaire instead:
That does sound like me.

Remember:  the key
1- love it, can’t live without it!!!
2- It’s ok
3- Don’t care
4- Hate it, makes me want to puke
5- A sure hit!!!!
6- Whatever
7- Don’t even think about it!

What do you like about the Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine?
Letter from the editor: 1.9
Letters to the editor: 1.9
Wansetta’s party tips: 2.1
Boo’s gossip column: 1.4
Dear Patty: 1.6
Chocolate Boy and the Bear: 1.7
Poems: 1.1
Reader Profile: 2.0
Deep Thoughts: 1.4
Pick up lines: 2.0
Artwork: 1.1

What would you like to see in upcoming issues?
Centerfold: 5.1
Contests: 5.6
Recipies: 6.2
Beauty tips: 6.2
Travel column: 5.9
More artwork: 5.1
More poems: %.0
Comic strip: 5.1
I have no idea what I meant by %0 

It just occurred to me after all these years, that I should have just called this section the editorial.
Maybe it was just so it would mirror the Letters TO the Editor... yeh, let's go with that. 

Letter from the editor

So I took longer than expected with this next post. I don't hear anyone complaining. Why isn't anyone complaining? Is anyone even there?

Letter from the editor

Welcome to the Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine’s first issue of 1995. I would like to take this opportunity to urge you to send more of your poetry, no matter how terrible. I strongly believe that untalented people need an outlet to vent their frustrations too and I’m here to print it. So don’t be embarrassed, no matter how bad your stuff is, it will never be as bad as Chocolate Boy and the Bear.

I still stand by it. I will print (post) anything anyone sends now. Even if it is worse than Chocolate Boy and the Bear.

Remember! We have voice mail so if you are too damn lazy to pick up a pen, just call.

Free classifieds! Just send us any flyer, note, etc…we will circulate it absolutely free of charge!!!!!!

Consumed by agony over personal problems? No problem! Just write to Dear Patty!

Yeh... so apparently this page didn't quite come out when I scanned it. Sorry about that. Well not really, it wasn't that interesting. This is actually an improvement.

Xmas Lists

Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine issue #3

Xmas issue apparently

Welcome to the holiday issue of the Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine. But let us not forget what the true meaning of the season is so here are our xmas lists:

Aralis (editor, poet, queen of the universe)

I've always been partial to that queen of the universe title. I find myself randomly using it all the time.

Animaniacs watch

Got it. It was really nice too, I wonder where it went. Animaniacs was one of the best cartoons ever, I wish they would play reruns somewhere. There was this one episode called "The boids" where the Goodfeathers got jobs as extras on The Birds. Brilliant!

1959 Barbie replica with handmade outfit

I didn't get the big deluxe model with all the outfits but I did get the one that came with the black and white stripped bathing suit.

I want to be a carpenter (cassette)

Got it, and now I have it on CD which I uploaded into my iPod so I have all my bases covered. If you are keeping track, you might have noticed this was 1994 and I was still getting stuff on cassette instead of CD. I've always held on to archaic media. I had a cassette player in my car and didn't see a need to replace it. I actually didn't get a cd player until I got a car that came with one. I'm nostalgic like that.

Trent Reznor

Never did get that one. I don't think I want him anymore either. He has gotten a bit too beefy for my taste. I realize that's a bit like a homeless person complaining about the color of the walls in a free house but then again it's not like Trent is knocking on my door so it's not like that at all.

Kaleidoscope

It was a little one, on a chain. I have no idea why I wanted it so badly. It's in my storage unit somewhere.

Pinky and the Brain t-shirt

It had long sleeves and was so big I wore it as a dress. It was before the oversaturation of baby tees hit the market. I don' know what took the world so long to figure out some of us are under 6ft and weigh less than 150lbs.

Little tiny Barbie

I got a few. That is, I know I've owned little tiny Barbies at some point even though right now I have no idea whatever happened to them. Whether they were these particular little tiny Barbie I was referring to here I don't know.

Taltos by Anne Rice

It was pretty bad. How bad? One of the characters gets resurrected by breast milk, no lie. That bad. I'm not sure and I don't want to have to reread all her stuff to make sure, but this might have been the begging of the end for Anne and me.

Patent leather outfit

When I said patent leather I really meant PVC vinyl.

Same explanation as with the little tiny Barbie except I do know what happened to them. Vinyl doesn't age well. It has a tendency to fall apart and flake off and it doesn't take kindly to stretching if you gain any weight. So basically you need to replace all your fetish wear regularly.

Vinyl clothes

Same as above, but not as shiny.

Feathered boa

Boas are one of those things I always have and yet hardly ever wear.

Photocopier

Never did get it, but the internet took care of everything I needed it for so it's okay.

Patty (poet, father owns photocopy machine)

Well that explains how we printed all those copies of the zine that we gave away.

Converse (white)

Vampire books

Stuff to hold my junk

Bedspread

Purse (not brown)

Rings

Earrings

Concrete Blonde CD

Camera

CD holder

Calendar, a cool one

Chair for my desk

I have no idea if Patty got the stuff she wanted. It's up to her now to come and answer this in the comments. What I do know is that she was a lot less specific about the stuff she wanted than I was.

Letters TO the Editor

Only our second issue and we were already inundated with letters singing our praises. Of course, these were letters I forced my friends into writing, but let's not dwell on that, shall we?

Letters to the Editor

“It’s funny, scary, sad –it’s got everything. Two thumbs up from the Fruitman”
Frutman, Miami, Fl

“I loved it, it was much better than Cats. I’m going to see it again and again.”
Unsigned, NY, NY
This is a reference to an SNL skit which I have always found hilarious and use constantly even though I strongly suspect nobody ever gets it. Jon Lovitz was a hypnotist with a show on Broadway and he would hypnotize his audience so all the review would say the same thing (I loved it, it was better...etc)
I suspected there was a reference to it in The Sixth Sense when Cole asks Bruce Willis what he thought of his school play and he says it was better than Cats, but I now feel Shaymalan doesn't deserve any credit for anything.

“It’s disgusting and perverted”
Carmen, Miami, Fl
My mother was not amused.

“It’s funky!”
Monica, Miami, Fl

“It’s cheesy and corny”
Naila, Miami, Fl

If unable to keep appointment, kindly give 24 hrs. notice.

I'm not even sure what anybody could have made an appointment for.


Yes we did have voice mail. Or rather I had voice mail in those long ago days before cell phones and email and I printed it out and passed it around for all the world to see. As you can tell, I know better know and go to the trouble of blocking out my personal info even thought it has not been valid in almost 15 years.
In case you can't read what it says.

Guess what?

We got voice mail!

So now when you get that creative urge and can’t find a pen – just pick up the phone and read us your bad poetry! It doesn’t get any easier than this!

(305)xxx-xxxx

Under 18 must get parental permission before calling

We liked throwing random disclaimers to make things look legit.

Issue #2 Letter from the Editor

Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry

Vol 2

October 1994

Letter from the Editor

Welcome to the Hiroshima Club beat Poetry Zine Issue #2.

Due to the overwhelming response to our first issue, we have extended our zine adding new features and articles in addition to the bad poetry and bad artwork you have all come to know and love. So please continue to send us your bad poetry, artwork, articles, etc… As you know, we will print anything. And remember: if you can’t be good, be as bad as you can possibly be.

"Overwhelming response" I love how delusional we were. I guess there was some response, since we had a lot of contributors...but not actual readers. We still don't.

I just realized that the stupid scanner only printed a portion of the page, but you do get to see the bat sticker and the rest was just typing that I transcribed, so I think you can live with it.

Issue #1 Letter from the Editor

Letter from the Editor

Welcome to the Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine – named after an episode of Liquid Television. If you don’t know what I’m talking about you don’t have enough free time (or cable).

Here you will find a collection of some of the worst poetry ever written by some of today’s worst poets.

Here at Hiroshima, we encourage bad, so we urge all our readers to send us all their bad poetry, bad artwork, etc… and remember if you can’t be good, be as bad as you can possibly be.

Pretty self explanatory here, no need for me to go over anything yet. If you don't know what liquid TV was, look it up, it had some good stuff. I have decided to add any present day comments in purple italics. Also, I like that tagline, so I'm adding it to the blog title.