Back in the 90's, I had a hobby of following my friends around at clubs and making them write bad poetry for me. The word poetry was used very loosely. Well, completely incorrectly would be a better term since it was also used for articles, completely fabricated self-help columns and random complete and utter nonsense.
These are the results of those (often drunken) ramblings.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


By Monica

Anise can’t eat Cheetos
Only drinks bottled water
Can’t cross the street alone
Mom won’t let her stay home
Alone for too long
Her barking’s so annoying
Her Vienna sausage
Looks so yummy
She’s tiny and divine
Go get laid
Cuz I want a puppy

I always  forget who's dog Anise was. I've asked Monica  a million times and I still always forget. I just know that it was some friend of hers.
Apparently Anise was very popular at the time because there's quite a few poems about her coming up and even a Reader Profile even though I don't think she ever actually read the zine. She might have peed on it once though.

BTW, I must take a minute here to say Vienna Sausages are very underrated. Yes they look more like erasers than actual food and that water that they come packed with smells kinda nasty, but my mom has been making those since I was little and I kinda like them. Must be the same way Americans feel about Baloney. Yes, I know I'm technically American too being that I was born in the US and I live here but I mean the kind of Americans without Cuban parents to make them yellow rice with Vienna sausages.

I never had fried baloney until I was like 23.

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