Back in the 90's, I had a hobby of following my friends around at clubs and making them write bad poetry for me. The word poetry was used very loosely. Well, completely incorrectly would be a better term since it was also used for articles, completely fabricated self-help columns and random complete and utter nonsense.
These are the results of those (often drunken) ramblings.






Showing posts with label It's a Lesbian Thang. Show all posts
Showing posts with label It's a Lesbian Thang. Show all posts

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Issue #4 Back Issues/ Classifieds



Back Issues

Don’t miss out. Back issues available for a limited time only.
That's a like, they're still available and it's been almost 20 years.

Issue #1           includes: Ode to my Fish, Come to Begly, Monsters, Happy Birthday,                                etc… $1

Issue #2           includes: Stems of Love, Itsy Bitsy Spider Fucked Up, The Rave and                                 many more!!! $1

Issue #3           the xmas issue $1

All About Begly   Can’t get enough of Begly? Well, here’s your chance. Everything you                           ever wanted to know about Begly but were afraid to ask in this special                           Begly issue. Where was she born? What’s her favorite color? Toothpaste?                                  Side of the bed? These and other exiting Begly facts for only $1

It’s a Lesbian Thang   Monica’s collection of the best of the worst lesbian poetry. $1

It’s a Tofu Thang        Lesbian’s talk about tofu. Riveting! $1
She never did get around to writing this, so it's a good thing nobody ever got around to ordering it.


Classifieds

Gottess greatest hits
Not available in any stores – yet! Be among the first to delight in the gottesses’ divine melodious rythims. Includes her all time hits, as well as her new ventures into Spanish song.
Her singing was so horrible that it was hilarious. The funniest part is she actually had an album or two that did ok. It was Germany tho, and we all know how they feel about David Hasselhoff so  that's how much we can take their opinion on singing Americans.

Auditions: actors, musicians, cinematographers, etc… needed for upcoming foreign film. Stay tuned…
I have no idea what this was for.

Hiroshima Club Beat Poetry Zine
We bring bad things to life.

Order yours today!


We want to get to know you better!
The better we know you, the better we will be able to serve you. Please list the names and birth dates of all the 12 and under children you will buy for in the space below. Thanks!
This was more a matter of having cut this question out of the newspaper magazine than of actually caring in anyone answered it.

This space available
 

 There was also a few ads for other zines that were actually serious about what they were doing. I think they were all from this one guy Stephen who had like 15 different zines. That's not an exaggeration. I wonder how many blogs he's running by now?


 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Taco Bell



Taco Bell
By Naila

Eat pussy all day
Fried, barbequed,
Or any other way
You don’t need knives
Or forks
Just a good tongue
When you’re done
You’ll say yum.

What I remember the most about Naila is that her name was pronounced with an invisible "h". This poem bothers me because I don't like the idea of a knife near a Hoo-hah. Or a fork for that matter.  I also have a problem with naming Taco Bell and then having not one mexican food reference in the whole poem. Couldn't she throw in a chimichanga reference somewhere? That's a fun word. Chimichanga.

 

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Oh So Faux! A Great Place to Meet Chicks


By Devin

This Devin again! Who the hell is she???

Never had one

Never

Touched one

Never really seen one

Never needed one

Never craved one

Never wanted one on my face

Never swallowed

Never choked on one

Never done the chicken head

Never rode one

Never tried to

Never had one attack me from behind

Never had one on my mind

Thank you

I don't know what is the correlation between penises and the faux finish painting place Monica worked at for a short time, but at least now we know where Devin came from.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Sexless


By Jade Payne

She’s finger licking good

She melts in my mouth

And my hands

Wanting to dive into her muff

Right now

Sticking my tongue down her throat

Traumatized I am,

As I discover

I am only dreaming!!!!!!


This one came with a beautiful illustration that I need to scan ASAP. I also think this might have been a companion piece to the Zima one I just posted.

It’s a Clear Beverage

By: Monica

Michelle, oh poor Michelle
On the public phone you are
So lonely and bored
Drinking a Zima by the side of the store
With a pain in her back that just won’t stop
Telling me about work
The black girl was beautiful yummy and fine
Sipping her Zima and smoking her cigarettes
She sits all night by the phone and
Talks to all.

Do they even make Zima anymore? Poor Zima always gets made fun of. I think I remember it not tasting that bad.

The Ex-GF

The ex-girlfriend

(Ode to W)

By: Monica

Die bitch die, I want you to die

In the most painful way possible

I want to beat you with a baseball bat

I want to beat you till you die

You’re a good for nothing shit and you will die

With a baseball bat in your eye.



It's a Lesbian Thang!



The next three poems were on a page titled It's a Lesbian Thang!
I guess it must have been our gay section of the the zine.
Enjoy!